The Saturday Morning News

Posted by news intern Ben Steiner The Sequester Stomps on Air Traffic Controllers: 149 air traffic control towers across the country will be closed as a result of the government unnecessarily fucking us all with the sequester. Starting in April, pilots at many small airports will be responsible for coordinating take-off and landing by themselves. The DEA Says Heroin is Back in Style: Especially in Grant County, WA where heroin use and heroin seizures have spiked in the last 2 years. Guns Don't Kill People, Guns Kill Coyotes: 10,000 Coyotes, to be exact. Utah pays civilians $50 dollars for each dead coyote carcass collected in their "Predator Control" incentive program. Police Shoot South Seattle Suspect: Bellevue's SWAT team shot a man suspected in a string of robberies after he allegedly tried to "drive them over" with his car. Fire Rips Through Condo Building in North Seattle: Firefighters were unable to save much of the building, but they did rescue one woman's shivering Bichon Frisé. Greek Gunmen Raid Prison: The gunmen allegedly attacked a prison tower with firearms and grenades, allowing 11 Albanian prisoners serving sentences for robbery and theft to escape. Gitmo Rennovations: The Pentagon has asked for $49 million to build a new wing for "special detainees" at Guantanamo Bay, bringing the full bill for renovating the torture-center to $195.7 million in taxpayer dollars. The Pentagon says these upgrades are necessary since Congress decided to...